The times on leadership

"Recent research on status and power suggests that brashness, entitlement and ego are essential components for any competent leader, the precursor to ascent and its spoils; they are the traits that provide the seedbed for risk-taking and a soft place to land when some of those risks go wrong. Yes, there are reasons to be an impatient, over-the-top boss — to a point.

For all their professed suspicion of authority, people crave hierarchy and tend to cede authority precisely to those individuals who want to take the reins. In studies of group behavior, it is usually the overconfident, outspoken individuals who take on leadership roles. "


NYTimes

The Times critics have mastered

The Times critics have mastered the art of slowly transforming a compliment into a brutal blast.

fearing success

Today has unearthed a fear that I suspect has long been a part of the make up of my heart. I am afraid of success. I fear getting my way because somehow (in my ego that has an unbalanced inflation) I am afraid that I manipulated the situation to 'get my way' at the expense of the overall good.

I don't really have this fear with failure. For some reason I have a pretty comfortable grasp on God's sovereignty over my failures and that if he thwarts my will it is for the good of his purposes both in my life and the kingdom in general. Somewhere along the way I got a strange disconnect that doesn't acknowledge God's equal sovereignty over any 'success' I find. His sovereignty isn't just a comfort in the junky times, his purposes WILL stand.

I am neither good NOR bad enough to thwart his will, just like I am not bad enough to be beneath his saving power or good enough not to need it. That sort of power does not exist in human grasp.

I can't say for sure what this silly disconnect reveals about me, other than again highlighting that my view of God can be too little, my understanding of his love to juvenile and my perception of my ability to out maneuver him completely inflated.

Interestingly enough a reggae talked how "he's got the whole world in his hands" at work today. And this afternoon I am reading Psalm 4 which reminds the reader to "Offer right sacrifices and put your trust in the Lord" and ends with a picture of peace in the midst of hardship (even perhaps the hardship of having what you wanted).

Even When Monet is playing

Even When Monet is playing with her blocks she is making stories. Proof of the innate relationalism of girls I guess

The moments when a summer

The moments when a summer thunder storm is brewing are my favorites.

process joy

I have a confession for you – buried deep within me there lurks a closet perfectionist. Even if you are fairly close to me – you may have never noticed her. She often hides behind my laziness so that she can’t be seen, but from the shadows she often whispers like thunder about all of the things I am not precisely good enough at. She tries to paralyze me with her mummers.

Since I am very human she has a large arsenal of things to chose from, because like everyone around me I never get anything perfect (which is something you have surely noticed even if you only know me through the interweb). What I have learned though is that as I find joy in the process it is harder to care about her observations – no matter may be.

As I am working on this quilt, learning all sorts of things about what I should do differently next time I am finding this process joy. I can see the ways in which my layout is weak and needed more finesse – more forethought. I can see how I really should have taken a lot more time in the very fist step of cutting and early piecing. I can see how irregular and unshapely my quilting stitches are. But this is how we learn, how we grow. We push past our early attempts laced with ignorance so that if flashes of brilliance break through we are in a position to embrace them.

But I can not live my life waiting for those flashes of brilliance that may never come. I can embrace the joys of the process. When you look at life as a whole, process is really all you can do to much with. God is still in the business of managing the final product of our life – and even if you don’t want to deal with God you can’t deny the fact that our lives end in death and our life was the processes of getting there.

Grilled cheese with pickles and

Grilled cheese with pickles and honey mustard YUM!

calling and permission

I love going to weddings, especially for the people in my life who I know have spent more time planning for their marriage than for the wedding day.

All of the excitement. The unique expressions of their love and commitment to one another. The beauty and the fellowship with friends.

I also really love hearing what the pastor has to say during the commissioning. Usually I can't remember all the good nuggets of stuff (I always feel a little uncomfortable whipping out a handy dandy notebook to jot stuff down) but one thing that was said at the wedding I went to on Friday (congrats to Sarah and Micheal - hope you are having many happy honeymoon moments) really struck me.


The pastor told Sarah that her calling came from God but her permission to pursue it comes from her husband. Any feminist reading this is probably disgusted, heck if I had been in a slightly grouchy mood I wouldn't have liked it either but since I wasn't in such a mood I was able to appreciate the freedom in what was said. Yes we are accountable first and foremost to God but since God's word makes it pretty clear that spouses are meant to be one flesh it is illogical to think that he would lead the members of this one flesh in a way that tore them apart so in submitting the details of how we pursue our calling to each other we can help avoid doing good things that are destructive to our lives together.

Lest anyone think too much of my angst - you should know I am better now. I made the deadline, I don't have high hopes but at least I put myself out there (and really that is half the battle). The dishes remain untouched but the promise of free chick-fil-A lurks in my future.

If you want to see the pieces I chose - go take a look.

What Endures


Touching Autumn

Spring Break

melancholy procrastination (the things I hear when I am alone)

I am sitting here.

I should be doing dishes. Or getting a photo ready. I want to forget that the deadline is in 3 hours. I don’t want to actually enter. I just want to be able to extend the myth that I am somehow an artist.

But even with the pieces in mind I would rather let doubt paralyze me. Am I lazy or just afraid of the effort?

I have no rational thing to fear, I seldom do (unless it is window shattering ninjas) that is perfectly normal. I just don’t want to do what I should. Every fiber of my being screams against it.

I don’t want to post this, to type, or even admit it. I know that if I do it creates license for those that love me to try and push me toward doing the things I fear.

Maybe it would. Maybe it wouldn’t.

I would like to use the dishes as an excuse. I would like to use a swimming date as an excuse. Instead I sit here, a little emotional, accomplishing nothing. Resolving nothing. Making mental lists of what I should do. The order I need to complete things in. These lists are always my out because making lists keeps me from accomplishing them.

I will start with aloe. Seems as good a place as any.

Better than contemplating how I have again crafted a situation where each choice makes me a failure to someone, or something.


I guess my title is only half accurate - since alone is not truly possible even when it may feel that way. And I guess my failures aren't as important in the grand scheme as I would like to think they are.

But again I need to stop. Do.

Contra dancing is on for

Contra dancing is on for July 31. Do whatever you need to do to be able to come. Believe me it is AMAZING.

I love RH and it

I love RH and it is good to be home but I miss Nyc so much I can taste it

I am petrified that something

I am petrified that something will go amiss and interfere with the trip. This is the first just-for-fun trip Ive had. Ever.

"The light bulbs are hanging

"The light bulbs are hanging out with the unicorns both frolicking somewhere I cant find" JV

Employers who make you work

Employers who make you work earlier than dawns-buttcrack should at least have music that doesnt make you want to go back to sleep.

My first attempt at gravy. Here goes nothing.

I love getting to go

I love getting to go to Weddings but I hate having to ask off and watch my bosses headache

In lieu of year old

In lieu of year old freezer cake we had cake batter Icecream after the yummy flautas a la Chris

13 blocks down 7 blocks

13 blocks down 7 blocks to go. They are far from perfect but I am pleased and learning. A good machine makes all the differance.

I just conceived the most

I just conceived the most exciting idea for a quilt. BUT first I must finish my current one then Grandpa's.

Now that I have discovered

Now that I have discovered it- I love listening to the bbc strand art thing.

Allbran may be the worlds

Allbran may be the worlds worst ceral. It takes so long to chew that I feel like a horse. No wonder fiber has a bad rep.

I know it will work

I know it will work out but it frustrating none the less. The hubbies countdown reminds me to keep respective.

We cracked the code to

We cracked the code to Monets picky eating-spiral pasta and plain tomatoe sauce. She ate three servings while Chris and I watched in awe

The Moores pampered me with

The Moores pampered me with an amazing dinner. Now Telly and I are trying to sew together.

I am impatient in my

I am impatient in my desire to master breadmaking.

Chris made the jogging attempt

Chris made the jogging attempt with me this morning and now he is cooking breakfast before I go to work. :-)

I am glad my peanutbutter

I am glad my peanutbutter is clear in listing peanuts as an allergen just in case you thought it was peanutfree peanutbutter

I love finding the words

I love finding the words with 6 to 12 meanings in the unabridged dictionary of magical goodness.

If I wasnt opposed to

If I wasnt opposed to mushy cuteness I would make you vomit right now

Some days my basistas leave

Some days my basistas leave me torn between laughing and poking my eye. Overall not be bad place to be I suppose.

"Words are a poor mans

"Words are a poor mans treasure" some Aus. poet on npr

I dont have to work

I dont have to work on our anniversy. Thats nice to rest in.

I want to see Phoenix

I want to see Phoenix take on Apocalypse. Yes I am aware of what a dork this makes me.

I was so excited about

I was so excited about my jogging date with Nicole that I went solo. I am glad of it but man I am no good.

Marvel does movies right. My

Marvel does movies right. My heart explodes in anticipation for what is coming.

It was humbling and sweet

It was humbling and sweet to see the things of Grandma's that my Mom and Aunts set aside for me.

I have never smoked. But

I have never smoked. But if I was ever going to start it would be today. Please pray that I rely on God more.

another attempt at interwebbing

On the extensive list of things I would like to be better with - internetting is one of them. I have been slowly easing back in, trying to catch up on the fifty years of blogs and emails I have missed ect...

I have said these things before so skepticism is understandable .... we shall see; but rather than blogging about blogging (which seems more than inane) I will talk about life a little bit.

Overall things are very good (although being the excessively emotive person that I am - sometimes moodiness gets in the way). I am in grave danger of becoming one of those people who is good friends with their little sister and I am more than ok with such a thing. She is seeking employment so she can move to the area and we can hang out even more until the next big thing happens.

Said big thing being a hopeful move towards the peninsula to work in Walt Disney World. I know it sounds crazy, but Chris and I feel like this could be a good thing so we are going forward pending big changes. The more we progress the more I am excited about actually doing something that resembles my education (even if being an official photopass photographer is something I feel like I am 'supposed' to find artistically unfulfilling - lets be honest I was never good at being the sort of artist I knew I was 'supposed' to be which is how I justified making no definitive plans on how to get money for using a camera)

Life has been pleasantly full of little weekly routines and rituals, Tuesday we have people over waffle type things, Wednesday we talk about the ramifications of who God is at another neighborhood house, Thursdays are date nights (never know what those will look like), Sundays we try to be intentionally restful in the midst of church and awesome time at the cabin learning about the big-awesomeness of God (that last bit is just me because it is a man-free zone) ... As the days peacefully melt into these patterns filled with all other manner of things (not the least of which being work for both of us and school for Chris) I think I am starting to slowly become the woman I am supposed to be, the one I truly am in Christ ...

I would ponder more but a lovely Smanly is at my door