Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Pregnancy reflections

Before I get inundated with labor hormones and warm fuzzy newborn feelings which cause me to forget all about the pregnancy process I wanted to take some time and reflect on what these past nine months have been like for me. Although long and rambling, I know this doesn’t encompass the whole of the process – but lets be real, nothing can.

 

Beginnings

 

It was kind of a rough start. I spent what felt like an eternity being nauseous and wanting nothing to do with food. I didn’t mind eating baked potatoes, sushi, fruit+cheese combos (raspberries and string cheese became an almost daily part of my diet), chick-fil-A, and pasta (as long as it was not too garlicky). I absolutely couldn’t stand pizza or ANYTHING about coffee (let me tell you that made my job a little more challenging)

 

During this time I confided in Joy that I thought all of the people who go on and on about loving pregnancy were either off their rocker crazy or they just had a really bad memory. Thankfully this phase did pass (but for the record it was not ‘on time’ with the end of my first trimester as everyone assured me it would be) and the months since then have been much more wonderful. In fact I am in serious danger of being one of those off the rocker crazy people who loves pregnancy - not so much I want to make a constant lifestyle of it, but it is a special time I feel so blessed in it.

 

Aliments

 

I have gotten little tastes of the typical pregnancy ailment, my back bothered me for a while; I got something like heartburn; I don’t sleep great; my ankles can get huge (especially if I have to sit for any extended period of time) which kind of hurts because my skin protests; I do still have an innie but stretch marks have laid claim to my lower abdomen; and for real I have to pee ALL THE TIME. Sometimes I feel like a little kid because I just have to force myself to go any time I have a moment to spare because I know that if I don’t then I will just have to go as soon as I get started with something.

 

Fun Stuff

 

One of the things I have loved about the process is learning all of the really fascinating stuff that is going on with my body. Strangely enough of all of the pregnancy books I have read or skimmed through my favorite ended up being the sometimes dry but super informative book that my midwife’s office gave me “The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists guide to Your Pregnancy and Childbirth: Month to Month”. The title is a little too long and I doubt it will ever be a best seller but I loved learning all the stuff in it.  I have also loved all of the classes we have been able to attend. Every time we go to one I tell Chris I want to be a doula … Chris is pretty quick to remind me that I don’t like bodily fluids so it would not work out well.

 

Work

 

So I have to admit, I would never have picked Sbucks as the job to have while pregnant, but in some ways it has been a good fit. While the on your feet aspect is not always pleasant, it has forced me to stay active when I may have otherwise been unapologetically slothful. It is a job with the time flexibility to allow me to move to nights after we realized that I couldn’t do mornings; this gave me the freedom to sleep in (kind of) and wake up slow and easy – two things which worked wonders for my body’s ability to cope. The store is always an icebox, every other summer it has bothered me but I won’t lie spending 30+ hours a week in a place where I knew I wouldn’t be overwarm while the outside was pelted with a heatwave – that’s not awful.

 

My co-workers were wonderful. While there were some days when I may have loved them less than others; that is just life peeking through. On the whole they were very considerate and helpful. Without their supportiveness and sweetness none of the other good things would have amounted to much.

 

Lastly, my customers were great too, especially those already prone to being Grandmotherly. Bad customers may make me a little crazy but often the good ones outweigh that a million to one (when I am willing to see that).

 

People

 

I have had wonderful people in my life during this. My roommates are fun and understanding of the extra moodiness and food  stockpiling (aka they respect the string cheese), my other friends have been excited and supportive, and willing to listen to my ramblings, the other mothers of babies in my life have been willing to answer my questions and offer appreciated advice, my family has been excited but not at  all smothering … God put good people in my life on all fronts and they have all been instrumental in this time.

 

Husband

 

Chris has of course been wonderful in all of this – this is no real surprise because in the marital time we had leading up to this he was also wonderful in many of the same ways. When I was feeling miserable at the start not only did he help in practical ways (like picking up extra chores and humoring my self imposed food limitations) but he also helped on the emotional/mental level by challenging me to find the good things about being pregnant and focus on them. Through out this whole time he has continued to be supportive on every front, he has come with me to all but two of my doctors appointments, he has made a few midnight food runs, he calms me down when I freak out and cheers me up when I am sad, he even makes sure that I am following the rules with not eating food I shouldn’t or overdoing it at the gym (it is good that he can be just as stubborn as me), he comes along to the fifty million classes I want to take even though they have long since felt redundant to him …. The list could go on forever but basically it all adds up to the fact that he takes good care of me and already he is being a good father to our daughter in the little and big things.

 

Going Forward

 

Friday is the official duedate, when she will arrive is anyone’s guess. I have already started my maternity leave (technically short-term disability) and I won’t deny that I am a little impatient to be able to hold our little girl in my arms instead of in my belly.

 

I am planning to be as all-natural as possible, so I don’t want to be induced and I don’t want pain meds … but even if things with the birth don’t happen the way I would like, at the end of the day sometime not to long from now we get to meet this little girl and that is exciting.

 

(aside: once she has arrived we will welcome visitors in the hospital or the fortress …. It is impossible to tell how parenthood will change us, but I don’t anticipate that it will make us stop wanting to hang out with people)

Monday, July 18, 2011

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The times on leadership

"Recent research on status and power suggests that brashness, entitlement and ego are essential components for any competent leader, the precursor to ascent and its spoils; they are the traits that provide the seedbed for risk-taking and a soft place to land when some of those risks go wrong. Yes, there are reasons to be an impatient, over-the-top boss — to a point.

For all their professed suspicion of authority, people crave hierarchy and tend to cede authority precisely to those individuals who want to take the reins. In studies of group behavior, it is usually the overconfident, outspoken individuals who take on leadership roles. "


NYTimes

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The Times critics have mastered

The Times critics have mastered the art of slowly transforming a compliment into a brutal blast.

Monday, June 21, 2010

fearing success

Today has unearthed a fear that I suspect has long been a part of the make up of my heart. I am afraid of success. I fear getting my way because somehow (in my ego that has an unbalanced inflation) I am afraid that I manipulated the situation to 'get my way' at the expense of the overall good.

I don't really have this fear with failure. For some reason I have a pretty comfortable grasp on God's sovereignty over my failures and that if he thwarts my will it is for the good of his purposes both in my life and the kingdom in general. Somewhere along the way I got a strange disconnect that doesn't acknowledge God's equal sovereignty over any 'success' I find. His sovereignty isn't just a comfort in the junky times, his purposes WILL stand.

I am neither good NOR bad enough to thwart his will, just like I am not bad enough to be beneath his saving power or good enough not to need it. That sort of power does not exist in human grasp.

I can't say for sure what this silly disconnect reveals about me, other than again highlighting that my view of God can be too little, my understanding of his love to juvenile and my perception of my ability to out maneuver him completely inflated.

Interestingly enough a reggae talked how "he's got the whole world in his hands" at work today. And this afternoon I am reading Psalm 4 which reminds the reader to "Offer right sacrifices and put your trust in the Lord" and ends with a picture of peace in the midst of hardship (even perhaps the hardship of having what you wanted).

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Even When Monet is playing

Even When Monet is playing with her blocks she is making stories. Proof of the innate relationalism of girls I guess

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The moments when a summer

The moments when a summer thunder storm is brewing are my favorites.